Chapter Text
Story Title: All the Ways to Say I Love You
Disclaimer: Still don't own YYH.
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Chapter One: Dumbstruck By You
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Morning shift on delivery day was probably Touya's favorite shift to work. Sure, there was a lot of heavy lifting, and sorting, and magnetic strip tags had to be placed in any book worth more than fifty dollars, but it was exciting to see what had arrived on the truck that day. Of course, not everything that arrived was worth more than a cursory glance—they received oodles of celebrity self-help books and memoirs every truck day.
No, Touya appreciated seeing the cover art across all the different genres, even if it was for something that he was never going to buy. Touya smiled every time he opened a box to find a friendly pastel dragon on a children's book, or a harsh cross-hatch sketch of the monster in a horror novel, or an artsy photograph that might not make sense to the reader until the end. Even something as simple as some beautiful and intricate knotwork borders brought him so much delight.
It was around ten in the morning on a weekday, and as far as he was aware, there was only one customer in the store. Touya was putting out the last book on the new releases display. It was a celebrity memoir from some actor-turned-beauty guru that called himself The Beautiful Suzuki. Touya had never heard of him until Kurama had told him that Suzuki was going to do a book signing at the shop on Friday. Touya hoped he was as famous as Suzuki's publisher thought he was—the shop had received more copies in preparation for his signing, despite the fact that Kurama had only ordered the bare minimum amount for the event.
Yu Kaitou also had another new book come out this week. His audience was much smaller—his works were a niche interest. Touya certainly found the ideas he presented thought-provoking, but his writing style was so dry and acerbic. The shop had only received five copies of his latest essays, and honestly it was going to be six months or more before Kurama needed to order a new shipment. If they were lucky.
Kurama always read Kaitou's latest work, and Touya had started reading his books because of Kurama. Kurama actually knew Kaitou, and Kaitou always came by the shop to find out what Kurama had thought of his new book. Touya often listened in on their discussions. He had gotten the impression that the two of them used to be academic rivals rather than friends, and that Kaitou, despite all his accolades and published works, was still trying to best Kurama in a competition that he had long since won and put out of mind. Kaitou didn't do live readings or discussion panels about his work.
Touya heard the one customer in the store clear her throat to let him know that she was ready to make her purchase. The woman frowned as she watched him hurry over and slip back behind the register. Touya made sure his smile was big and bright, but that seemed to do nothing to alleviate her annoyance. It was best that he stuck to his script. He took a deep breath, outstretched his hand, and—
The woman pushed her selections into his hand. He nearly dropped everything, struggling to get a firm grip onto two thick books that were more than his hand were able to hold together. She huffed disapprovingly. Not wishing to make matters any worse than they already were, Touya kept his head down and proceeded to ring up her transaction quickly. He felt like her gaze was going to shrink him down to nothing before he reached her total.
He had read one of the books she was purchasing, and the author's latest installment was already out on the new releases display. He wondered if she would be interested. It was a good way to break the ice between them anyway.
"Do they not train people how to talk to customers here?" the woman asked snappily, as she set her empty to-go cup from the cafe next door in the middle of his counter.
Yes, they did, but Touya was absolutely terrible at it. He had tried. Well, perhaps not as hard as he should have, since he had been putting off approaching her. But he was in the middle of his task, and his cart was blocking the back aisle (not to mention that it was parked in a tricky spot in the corner, effectively leaving no way out). Touya had just been trying to clear the cart quickly, and the woman did appear to know the store quite well already, and—
This was his fault any way he looked at it. No matter how uncomfortable it made him, how terrible he was at talking, he should have made a stronger effort. It was a part of his job. He had to apologize. "...Sorry, ma'am—"
"You shouldn't mumble. I can barely hear you. Older folks definitely can't understand you," the woman said. "You need to open your mouth." She briefly demonstrated. "And enunciate your words."
Touya was grateful that there weren't any other customers in the store right now to make this moment any more of a spectacle than it already was. He felt embarrassed and insulted, two emotions he wasn't allowed to show on his face. It was one thing to be upset with his service, but she was getting uncomfortably personal in her critique. He was trying not to be rude, but she had cut him off mid-apology, and he doubted that he was going to be able to speak clearly to her satisfaction. Touya did what he always did in a situation like this—he kept his mouth shut and weathered the storm.
"Boy, are you listening to me?" she asked, her glare and tone of voice sharpening. Like needles. And she was directing their points toward him. At least Touya was very good at putting on a blank mask and feigning indifference. His stomach, however, felt like a ship tossing around in the violent, sloshing sea. The world around him was ill-defined or had vanished. It was just her and him.
"Well, answer me." The needles were coming. He saw it on her face. This was only going to get worse. He needed to say something. Touya's mouth remained tightly closed.
"Yes, we understand," Kurama's voice politely stepped into the conversation. Touya regained enough presence of his surroundings to see that he was standing next to him. Kurama had heard the exchange from his office, no doubt. Touya slowly backed away until his back pressed against the cubical storage cabinet behind him. It was for the best that he stay far out of the way and let Kurama handle the matter.
"Are you the manager?" the woman said, with equal parts irritation and disbelief in her voice. Kurama was not only the manager but the owner of Nine Tales Books, even though he looked only a few years older than Touya. "You really need to hire better cashiers. I've never had a problem with the girl. She's great. You should work her more."
"Him, though." The woman jabbed an accusatory finger toward Touya. "This makes the third time I've come in and this boy doesn't say hi, doesn't look me in the eyes, doesn't come up and ask if I need any help. He ignores customers. Doesn't say a word on register." Touya peered up to meet her stare and immediately regretted it. "Do you know why I came to your store today? The next Poltergeist Report is out. Maybe I would have bought it if you had bothered to ask what I was looking for and shown me where it was."
Now, if he was looking for a new book from a popular author like Jorge Saotome, his first thought would have been to check the display with the large "New Releases" sign above it. The display that Touya really thought was impossible to miss when anyone first walked into the store. Touya actually had been about to point out the display to her. Even if he explained that to her now, the woman was just going to roll her eyes at him. He should have said something to her sooner.
"My apologies, I would be happy to assist you. I know for certain that it arrived on this morning's truck," Kurama said. Touya was more than a little envious at how Kurama remained sociable in the face of irate customers. "In fact, I believe I see it over there. Would you like me to add it to your purchases?"
"No, I'm going to buy it online now. It's cheaper anyway," the woman said.
Under normal store policy, Kurama did not match online prices. Surprisingly, this policy was not a point of contention between him and his customers and was generally accepted without fuss. (There were people that raged in the store over why a small, independent bookstore refused to match the price of a billion-dollar online conglomerate.) However, there were situations that Kurama relented in the name of keeping a customer happy. So Kurama not only matched the online price, but he deducted thirty percent off her entire purchase.
"I'm so sorry for what happened," Kurama said, with a small, polite bow. "I will be sure to review our policy and emphasize exemplary customer service with all of my employees. Thank you for bringing this matter to my attention."
The woman paid for her books and snatched the bag out of Kurama's hands as he offered it to her. Kurama's smile did not wane one bit. "Have a nice day, ma'am. Please come again."
The woman's heels clacked on the dark wood floorboards as she hastily made her way out.
Keeping his head bowed, Touya was embarrassed for how he had acted. He knew better. If he had just done his job right, Kurama never would have needed to intervene. "...I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I gave her all those discounts to get her out of the store. Failing to greet a customer is not a reason to run you through hot coals."
Touya looked up. Kurama was still smiling, his smile smaller and gentler than the one he had put on in front of the customer. Kurama never harshly reprimanded him when customers complained about his silence and cold shoulder, even though he deserved it. He knew that Touya was not trying to be rude. Touya had to prepare himself for every interaction with customers. He had to rehearse his script, and sometimes he took too long. Sometimes he didn't know what to say. And sometimes there were too many customers back to back. Touya often froze up, and other times he bolted.
But some people were like the woman that had just left. Some customers preferred to be left alone. Others wanted an employee to be their personal shopper. Touya had worked here long enough to know better than to react the way he had. The entire scenario probably could have been prevented if he had just spoken to the woman. But he hadn't.
"Touya," Kurama said. He had that look in his eyes—the one where it seemed like he was lifting his thoughts straight from his mind. "What happened happened, and no amount of imagining what-if will change that."
Touya pressed his mouth into a thin line. He sharply nodded. Kurama was right. He had to try to put it all behind him. Even if he was terrible at doing that.
"Take a few minutes," Kurama said.
"I'll be fine," Touya assured much too quickly.
"I know," he said. "I'll watch the front until you get back." Kurama had a way with turning polite suggestions into orders. It was rather remarkable, really.
Touya was a good worker, except where it came to customer service. He had been working here for a little over a year and a half now, and yet he still relied on mental scripts to get through conversations with customers. Touya loved books. He loved reading. But he had only gotten this job by Kurama's grace and kindness. No other place was going to hire him. Touya couldn't make it through an interview.
He wished he wasn't like this. He wished he was like Keiko. Customers loved Keiko—she was warm, personable, and made everyone feel special, and always had the right recommendations. The shop always seemed busier to him when Keiko was working that day. But she only worked part-time when college was in session.
Customers thought Touya was cold, and rude, and didn't know anything. Except the problem wasn't that he didn't know the answer, it was that he didn't know how to answer them. He was awkward and always wanted to get through conversations as quick as possible and return to the safe monotony of his task. He dreaded recommending books, especially for people that were buying it as a gift for someone else. He over-thought the matter, and he was afraid of suggesting the wrong book. After all, he didn't know what that other person enjoyed or didn't enjoy, and the point of the question was not for Touya to suggest something he personally enjoyed—contrary to what one might think.
Originally, Touya's job was just to stock product, clean the store, and water the many, many plants and succulents placed throughout the store. But inevitably, upon seeing a member of staff, customers started asking him questions, questions that he did not answer but not because he didn't know the answers. Touya had asked Kurama to give him register training in hopes of helping him become more comfortable around people—and to an extent, the training had helped, but Touya was far from confident and at ease with talking to people.
No, he couldn't think like that. Not anymore. Change was a long, arduous process, and Touya had to accept that he wasn't just going to neatly advance forward from one goal to another. His whole life was different now that he was living on his own, finally making his own choices. There were lots of things he was going to have to learn and experience for himself for the first time, and he was bound to make mistakes. At least he had Kurama to help him navigate through some of the uncertain waters.
Kurama was not just his boss. He was his friend. Kurama had done a lot for him over the years. Any time he needed help, Kurama had a solution, whether it was to be a listening ear, or to offer advice, or distract him with a long chat or a new book recommendation. He had given him his job. He had helped him find an apartment. Touya was forever in his debt, and he only wanted to quit being a burden on him. The real reason that Touya had asked for register training was to stop customers from getting mad at Kurama for hiring a useless, do-nothing kid. Touya could endure people finding him rude and awkward, but he never wanted Kurama to look bad because of his social faults.
When Touya finished his suggested break, he found Kurama listening to a fellow describe the book he was looking for his sister's baby shower. So far, he was certain that it was a children's book about raising little girls, and the fellow specifically wanted that book because his sister was having a girl. Touya caught Kurama's eye, and he nodded to him, acknowledging that he understood that Touya was back and kept on listening. The man snapped his fingers and joyfully informed Kurama that he remembered that the book he wanted was blue.
For the time being, Touya returned to the register. He rang up a few customers without any issue, sticking to his scripts and making sure he showed every customer a friendly face. This morning's unpleasantness seemed water under the bridge. It was worrisome that the damages box under the register was nearly full after being emptied the week prior. Normally, it took all month for the damages to reach this point. Touya crouched down to inspect the newest losses and to neatly tidy up the stack.
It was heartbreaking the things people did to books that they did not own. Touya had found gum and spit in between pages, spines already broken, pages ripped or torn out, rude notes written inside, and covers removed. In their blank journals, he had found where someone had removed the outside of one journal and somehow forced another intact journal into the removed cover. Nine Tales Books used to have a public restroom. Nine Tales Books no longer had a public restroom.
He wondered how Kurama's plants were generally spared from harm. Mounted throughout the store, there were several signs stating: "Please do not touch plants. Violators will be fed to plants." Crazy as it sounded, Kurama claimed that he knew when a customer had stolen a clipping, even if it was from his many pothos and ivy vines that hung from ceiling and nearly reached the floor in some locations. Touya had asked him once how he knew, and Kurama had said that the plant had told him. Touya was sure he had been joking, and yet Touya wondered if there was any truth to that behind Kurama's inscrutable smile.
The bell above the door chimed, signaling that a customer had entered. Touya stood up.
A young man was from the cafe next door—Touya recognized the cafe's uniform, a dark charcoal gray vest and pants over a dark green dress shirt. A dark green apron was tied around his waist. The bookshop and the cafe were on good terms with each other—so much so that the owner of the cafe had been trying for years to work out a deal with Kurama to combine their businesses—and most of the bookshop had friends at the cafe. Everyone but Touya actually. Touya had met the fellow a few times when he stopped by for some always-needed caffeine or picked up Kurama's order for the shop, but he couldn't recall the fellow's name. Not that the fellow wasn't memorable because he certainly was.
Touya was supposed to smile and welcome a customer to their shop. So far, he was standing up.
The fellow from the cafe was easily a foot taller than Touya and had thick, bushy red hair that just reached his shoulders. From the cut of his uniform, the fellow was in good shape. He had the air of someone that whistled brightly as he walked through life with a bounce in his step and the self-confidence that he belonged no matter where he was. Touya wondered if he had bad days too, or if he just had days that didn't go as well as they could have.
Just say hello and smile, Touya told himself and then didn't do. He was holding his breath. Touya didn't know when he had started holding his breath. He breathed in slowly. He needed to take calm breaths. He could get through this. There was no need to be nervous. All he had to do was follow his mental scripts.
The fellow strode up to the counter and smiled. The tiny point of a tooth poked into his bottom lip. "What's the story?" he asked cheerfully.
A shot of panic ran through him. Touya didn't know what the fellow was referring to. He had never been asked that, at least not in context of a greeting. If he was looking for a collection of short stories, he was going to have to be more specific. Touya needed more information, but that required forming words, an action that was failing Touya at the moment.
"Sorry, couldn't help myself, this being a bookshop and all," the fellow said, with a light laugh. He held up a couple of mailing envelopes he had been carrying under his arm. "Looks like some of your packages got mixed up with ours again. You'd think the new delivery driver will take a look at the addresses after the first time. There you go now."
Touya needed to say something. He needed to act somewhat normal for two seconds. The fellow handed the envelopes to him, and Touya said nothing. In his head, he screamed at himself to say thank you, but the order never left his brain. He felt his dry throat muscles constricting. All he had to do was say two words he said a thousand times a day, and he failed. It made no sense to him.
He hoped that the fellow was going to head back to the cafe now that his task was completed. As in most cases, Touya was wrong.
"What he think we'd do with a stack of books anyway? Serve food on 'em? Crack open a classic and serve pasta along the spine will be a grand hit with your customers, don't you think it so?" the fellow said, with a cheeky grin.
He made a joke. You're supposed to laugh. Touya didn't laugh. He didn't even smile. Touya remained tense and frozen and stared up at the very pleasant fellow from the cafe. The fellow that had a Shasta daisy behind his right ear. Touya's insides were all twisted and braided into one another. He was holding the envelopes so closely to his chest he swore that he was crushing his lungs.
"Ah, now, don't be that way. Only coddin' ya, I was," the fellow said, resting a hand on the counter and leaning against it. "You've been working here a while, haven't ya? About as long as I've been working at the cafe. Your favorite is an order that's easy to remember, and that's the kind of order I like. A large triple-shot mocha latte. You like a little bit of sweetness and a lot of caffeine. 'Course when you're up before the birds, a lot of caffeine is a no surprise."
The fellow was so darn cheery, and quite the fast talker—Touya wondered how much sugar and caffeine was keeping this fellow running. He was also taking Touya's silence in stride—most folks would have gotten fed up with him by now. Touya had no idea if the fellow had realized how uncomfortable he found their continuing interaction to be. Touya hoped that he didn't know. He hoped that the fellow wasn't purposefully putting him through this stress. Touya wanted him to go away. Soon.
"I don't know how important those are, so they better get delivered to your boss. Can I trust that you'll make sure they get delivered? Em, what I am I flapping on about? Of course, ya will. Good eyes, ya got. Good and clever."
Touya had no idea where the fellow was getting that he was clever from his dull stare. For once, he wished that he had a customer to attend to. Touya didn't have memorized scripts or strategies for getting away from a chatty non-customer keeping him at the register. There was no task the fellow needed him to complete for him to earn a dismissal.
"Everyone that works here knows me by name, and I know them by name, except for you, and if you don't mind me asking, I'd like to know your name. My name's Jin. Pleasure to meet ya."
The fellow held out his hand for him to shake. Touya didn't shake hands. He stared at the fellow's open palm and then looked back up into his big, bright blue eyes. The fellow's grin stretched from one pointed ear to the other. He was so happy and eager to meet him. Touya wasn't used to this. This open invitation was like walking out into the bright noonday sunlight after being underground in darkness for far too long, and the sunlight hurt his eyes. He couldn't take it. He had to turn away. With the envelopes still in his arms, Touya rushed into the employee-only area and into Kurama's office.
Kurama paused his typing and turned in his chair. Touya didn't say anything. He didn't even want to make eye contact with him. He set the envelopes beside Kurama and then dropped himself into the other office chair. He bent over and clasped his hands behind his head.
"Could you… Could you go out there and see if he's still here?" Touya asked Kurama. He was shaking. His voice and his body. Touya bit his lower lip. He had never been so rattled by someone being nice to him before. His strong reaction wasn't making sense to him. Why was this fellow different than other people?
Kurama went out to check the store and came back. "He left," he said. He wheeled his office chair over and sat down across from Touya. He leaned down so that they were talking face to face. "Tell me what happened," he said calmly.
"He handed me those envelopes and I didn't say anything to him. Not a word," Touya explained, keeping his head down. He was ashamed of himself. The fellow had just been trying to make polite conversation, and he had panicked. He had made a fool of himself and his behavior reflected on the shop poorly. "I ran away."
"You're having a rough day today," Kurama said, his tone and gaze sympathetic.
Well, Touya didn't disagree with that. He had been doing so much better though. Honestly, Touya didn't understand why Kurama put up with his eccentrics. He could have given his job to someone who didn't require coddling and had no trouble talking with customers, but instead he had hired him.
"Touya, I hope you aren't thinking that today in any way reflects the entirety of your work performance. It's a step back from your progress, yes, but I am not upset with you. I am concerned, however. Is there something you wish to discuss with me?"
"No, everything's fine," Touya said.
If there was something going on in his life, he would have told Kurama. Touya didn't have any new worries—by all means, he had a lot to be thankful for and much of his good fortune had been provided by Kurama. Touya didn't have a family anymore to have family problems—after their divorce, his mother had cut all ties from his father and him, and he hadn't had any contact with his father in nearly two years. Touya's persisting fear that his father might try to come back into his life wasn't a worry that Kurama didn't already know about.
The way he had acted around that fellow from the cafe was strange even for him. Touya usually wasn't struck silent by a person, unless they were angry with him like the woman this morning. But from the moment he had seen the fellow—Jin was his name, right?—Touya had been dumbstruck by him. His reaction was absolutely ridiculous.
Kurama sighed as he leaned back in his chair. "Today has been one of those days where nothing goes right."
"I'm sorry. Again. I'll do better," Touya promised. He was never going to be able to repay Kurama for all his kindness toward him at this rate if he didn't get over his social awkwardness and become his model employee.
"I know you will. Don't worry yourself," Kurama reassured Touya. "No, what I'm referring to is the celebrity beauty guru that thinks he's the Jorge Saotome of celebrity memoirs blasting up my inbox and phone wondering why we haven't advertized his book signing more."
Touya blinked in disbelief. "I put up the signs on the storefront window and the posters around the shop. The event has been listed on our activity board in store and online. We've been giving mini-flyers about the event in every customer's purchase. I don't see how we could advertize him more."
"Apparently, this clown thinks I should make a local radio announcement, and there's some large signage coming that we have to hang up the night before." Kurama picked up a store floor plan schematic marked in red circles with the locations of all the light fixtures and Kurama's hanging plants. "We're not taking down the vines."
Nine Tales Books was only a small, locally-beloved bookshop. There wasn't much point in hanging giant signs from their ceiling. "Is he that famous?"
"Someone thinks so," Kurama said, with a tiny smirk. "Anyway, one good thing should happen today. I'm buying everyone lunch. I'll have Kuwabara come to the front, and the three of us can decide what we're having."
Touya smiled appreciatively. He followed Kurama out of the office and returned to the register while Kurama headed to the back. Touya walked the floor and noticed that several customers were in the store. Business usually did pick up around this time. He managed to ask some of the customers if they needed any help finding anything, but they all declined his assistance. A few told him that they didn't need any help without him saying a word.
He probably wasn't going to see that fellow from the cafe again. Not that Touya wanted to see him again, it was just that he figured that the fellow was not about to take his silence and running away as a welcomed invitation of friendship. Still Touya was unhappy that he had made yet another person dislike him. He swore that was his best skill.